How can we facilitate our own ego development?
It is impossible to find someone with a fully formed ego; there is always at least one part that the parents neglect to shape, because every parent has his own handicaps. Thus, several ingredients may be left out, resulting in an inner void or need. Unless that void is repaired early on in life, the resulting needs will evolve into a pattern of thinking and behaving called the ego-defence which becomes an integral part of one's identity. It's called a "defence" because it is shielding and concealing the unnourished part of the ego, both from others and from ourself as well. The ego-defence is a false self, a facade, whereas the ego is our true self. Together, they form the ego system.
The ego-defence causes us to become manipulative in order to get attention with the hope of having our needs met. Manipulative self-feeding behaviours will never succeed in filling the voids within our ego, however. Self-feeding can never provide what the ego requires in order to grow because it never reaches the ego, but merely strengthens the ego-defence. And because it never reaches the ego, it never stops trying. Once these manipulative behaviour patterns become entrenched within us, it will be almost impossible for us to become aware of the reasons for our behaviour. Our needs are concealed from others but from ourself as well.
Before we can begin to nurture our ego, we will have to become aware of the voids within our ego and the resulting needs. In order to do this, we may need to seek out counselling or therapy for a period of time. As we learn about ourself and begin taking responsibility rather than blaming others for what they didn't give us, our ego-defence will gradually come to rest and it is then that self-nurturing can truly begin.
